Supermarket Spleen

On the way home from work this evening, I found myself in line at the grocery store checkout in a very cranky mood. Tired, I guess, and I'm having a hard time getting all the stupid administrative work done that I have to do lately. Feels like people are constantly forcing me to do little things that there's no reason they can't do themselves except that they don't want to and don't care if that means I end up having to do them.

So, usually in this kind of social situation I would try to maintain some kind of a decent mood for the sake of my fellow shoppers, who I'm sure have enough problems of their own without having the emotional byproduct of my day inflicted on them. Or I'd at least try to experience what the mood feels like without getting drawn into acting on it, while cultivating an attitude of empathy toward the strangers around me.

But today I felt like allowing the crankiness to have its way with my mind. Just let it go on a rampage and see what happens. It seemed like it could actually be entertaining. I began looking at all the stupid and ugly people in the store and judging them super harshly, no holds barred.

One jerk totally shoved his way into line in front of another idiot who couldn't figure out which tabloid she wanted to read. Meanwhile, a yuppy asshole was making business deals on his cellphone in front of the frozen pizzas, thinking we were all impressed by how oblivious he was to the hoodied loser couple he was preventing from buying their loser dinner. I started making up really nasty nicknames for all these characters.

And you know what? It was fun. I actually had to smile at the depth of my own cruelty. It's pretty amusing how mean you can get just from a trivial bad mood, if you let yourself. By the time I got to the checkout, I was smiling and feeling pretty friendly. The clerk and I had a nice conversation, and I didn't even want to wring his neck. Maybe sometimes it's best just to let anger work its way through you until it becomes transmuted into something more socially acceptable.

So thanks for the lesson, Punched-In Baby Face, Heroin Housewife, and Wannabe Barenaked Lady. I wish you all well and hope you find what you're looking for.