Abnormal Hank

I was thinking about how to make money selling recorded music in these crazy, digital, everyone's-an-artist-and-no-one's-a -patron times, and I think I stumbled onto an ingenious plan. Ask yourself, what's the one genre of music that people will continue to buy, no matter how glutted the popular market becomes nor how freely downloadable current recording formats may be? That's right — parody songs! As long as there's room in people's brains for crappy music they wish they didn't know note for note, there's room for parodies thereof. Weird Al Yankovic has held a nice little corner on this highly lucrative market for a few decades, and it's time someone else got a slice of the comedic pie. And what better way to grab people's attention than to parody Weird Al himself? I mean, if parody songs like "Another One Rides the Bus" and "Like a Surgeon" are super popular, then parodies of those parodies can only be mega-super-duper-popular!

I've already started working on the concept and the material. I'll call myself "Abnormal Hank Henkeltrocken" and release a video on YouTube for my first song, "She's Got a Pickle on Rye (and She Won't Share)". I'll dress like a Beatle, only zany, and make lots of crazy faces while I sing lyrics about all the kinds of food in a deli. It'll be hilarious, and I'm pretty sure I'll even be able to convince Weird Al to make a cameo in the video. It'll become an overnight sensation, in the modern, viral way these things do, and I'll be offered a record deal of extrayankovian proportions. I figure I can put it all together pretty professionally for a cool fifty thousand, which should be no problem to talk the bank into loaning me on Monday morning. Alison's gonna be so psyched when I surprise her with the finished product.

- Hank