Please Stop

Why are so many people I know so self-destructive? I often joke around about how the world is one big insane asylum, and we're all both staff and patients, but really it's not funny at all. What's with all the shooting of ourselves in the feet and intentional crushing of our own dreams and spirits?

Do we believe that we're doomed to failure anyway, so the best course of action is to cause the failure ourselves, thereby gaining at least some sense of self-determination? Is it just a symptom of contemporary culture, which encourages us to indulge our unhealthiest desires and then has nothing useful to say about how to deal with the problem of addiction? Is it just human nature (assuming that phrase even means anything) to want to be "bad" in order to make ourselves feel good? Are the Christians in some horrible sense right about original sin, with the twist that in our post-theistic world where moral values are no longer handed down to us from on high, we actually feel the need to act against our own self-created ideas of right and wrong? Do most of us go around so full of self-loathing all the time that we need to constantly punish ourselves, and then hide our motives by pretending that the punishment is actually a reward? Are we that sick, as a species?

And what am I supposed to do when I see the people I love acting in these terrible ways? I'm talking to you now — what can I do to set you straight? I've never developed any kind of good strategy for this, and sometimes it really makes me pull my hair out (speaking of self-destructive behaviour!) in frustration. Addressing it directly, either by bringing it up in a forgiving way or taking a more chastising, "tough love," approach, always just seems to feed the shame that fuels your addictive self-hatred. On the other hand, if I just act like it's your own cross to bear and doesn't bother me, you take that to mean that you needn't worry about it and keep doing it. Yes, taking the reins of one's own life can be hard. But I feel like watching helplessly as others refuse to take those reins can be even harder. Should I try to remove you from my life because it's all just too painful to bear? That's hardly a less painful act than playing passive spectator to your tragedy, and I'm sure no more helpful to you. What can I do to make you love yourself as much as I love you? Sometimes I wish I didn't love you so much.

Photo Dump!

On the long weekend we got to go to the South Shore with our friend Johanna and stay overnight at her parents' cottage with our other friends Krista and Jesse. The weather wasn't ideal and we couldn't get the water to work for some reason, but it was still really nice to get out of town. The next afternoon we took a hike around Gaff Point, just off Hirtle's Beach. It's a very scenic walk, with only a few semi-terrifying cliffs. Here are some purdy pitchers Alison took of the outing.

Nu Toonage

Here's one of the songs I'll be playing on June 3. It's a fairly new one. I'd already made a drum machine pattern for it from the last show I played, but I recorded it last night as a way of making up a keyboard part for Alison to learn. Think it turned out pretty neat.

Incidentally, I was out of town in a giant military bomb shelter yesterday evening, where our friend Mitchell has been living and making art since February. He was showing his and some other people's incredible work before he moves out and leaves for Brooklyn. The whole experience was quite eerie and mind-blowing. But so Alison and I were both underground, surrounded by an electromagnetic forcefield when the Rapture was supposed to happen at 6:00, and I haven't heard the news: Did it happen? Did anyone witness any smugly pious people rising into the air? Am I now addressing only my fellow unchosen, damned to walk the earth in unbearable torment for five months before it's destroyed by fire? Is this what unbearable torment feels like? It's good to have a sense of these things...

Oh Yeah, and Happy Rapture, Everyone

Meet y'all in the lake of fire. Last one in's a rotten egg!

Another Little Solo Project Show

Here's a poster Matt Reid and I collaborated on for an upcoming show at our local coffee shop. "Our Igloo" may be me and Alison, or it may just be me — still to be determined. Either way should be fun, though I'm definitely pushing for the former. I'm gonna play a slightly different set from the last solo show, on electric guitar this time. Alison, if part of it, will be on keyboard. If not, she might be replaced by an iPod. We'll see...

The Birds Sure Know What Season It Is

Vanity of Vanities; All Is Vanity*

So I go to get my hair cut yesterday by our friend Krista, and I can see that the vees in my receding hairline have increased in depth since the last time I was in. We now have to resort to strategic, Bieberesque trickery to keep them from showing up as large holes of nakedness on an otherwise covered scalp. I asked Krista what we're going to do when they get too big to cover up, and she said, "Shave it off." She was being flippant, but very short hair is kind of the only way to pull off male pattern baldness.

It's not at that point yet, but the inevitability is freaking me out a little. I can't do really short hair. Have you seen my ears? No, it looks like a wig will be the only solution...

And by the way, I don't mind these symptoms of aging when they're gradual. Noticing that I have less hair than I did five years ago? No problem — it's to be expected. But less hair than I had last time I got a haircut is going too far. Come on!

*Yes, I realize that pride in one's appearance is not the meaning of "vanity" in this quote. The other meaning suits the post just as well, though, don't you think?

Haiku for You

This week has been incredibly busy, as well as an emotional roller coaster, which I don't even want to get into here. But so hence the blog break. I've been rereading some haiku by Issa as a way of trying to stay calm, and I thought I'd put some of my new favourites on here. These are from a different collection, translated by Robert Hass, from the Blyth translations I posted last year, so they have a slightly more modern flavour. I love the sweet, matter-of-fact way Issa has of expressing that the world is actually a pretty painful place.

Fleas in my hut,
it's my fault
you look so skinny.

Evening moon—
they visit the graves
and cool off.

What good luck!
Bitten by
this year's mosquitoes too.

Hey, sparrow!
out of the way,
Horse is coming.

Mother I never knew,
every time I see the ocean,
every time—

That last one puts a hand grenade in my mind and backs away slowly. Here's one I wrote on waking up to yet another grey and cold May morning:

Elm out the window
Going nowhere in the wind,
Its leaves little sails

More Brief Tunage

Here's another crack at a piano recording, this time with the microphone actually turned on. This little tune was driving me crazy until I tried putting it into a 5/8 time signature, which seemed to solve all the problems I was having with it.

And the Long & McQuade jingle contest site seems to be working now. They've changed the voting system from a 0-5-star rating to a thumbs-up-or-down mechanism, which makes me think previous votes probably don't count anymore. Here's the link to The Lodge's entry again, in case you didn't save it in your favourites. And also MacKenzie's classic rock entry, because how could you have heard that one enough times?

Happy Mother's Day

... from one stylish lad to his equally stylish mum. I hope you're having a really nice day, wherever you are over there across the pond, Mom. And I hope all the other moms I know are getting all the love, respect, and R&R they deserve today too. You ladies are keeping this species going, and we need you more than ever. Love and hugs to all of ya!

The Last Spoke

Today was a pretty nice day, so we went for a long bike ride on a trail that used to be a railway line. They've ripped up the tracks and put gravel down so people can walk, bike, and cross-country ski on it. It's paved in some parts too. Easy riding with very shallow ups and downs and lots of great views of lakes, industrial wasteland, and people's backyards full of junk.

Rumour has it you can take the thing all the way from west end Halifax down the south shore to Yarmouth! I know it also goes at least to Lawrencetown in the other direction, starting in Eastern Passage. We didn't get too far today, as it was our first real outing of the season. Just to Timberlea, where the path crosses the old #3 highway. But still, it was about a 25 km ride there and back (not including the first leg we did in the wrong direction along an actual working railway line, complete with a train full of bemused passengers). Our legs are kind of rubbery now, and our faces reddish from the sun. Fun times!

Show Poster

Here's the poster for the Lodge show next Saturday. Gonna be a good time. We're even planning on writing some lyrics for the newer songs. Tonight's the Gillian Austin show. Maybe we'll see you there.

Recommended Listening

My latest shipment of CDs arrived from Aquarius Records yesterday. Seems to be an especially good batch. That second one is True Widow's latest album. The full title is As High As The Highest Heavens And From The Center To The Circumference Of The Earth. It's super heavy, slow, and singable. Tape is another band I already knew about — really pretty and hypnotic ambient post-rock. Good for working to. Papercuts was a bit of a crapshoot, based on Aquarius' description of them as a cross between The Shins and Beach House. So far it's paying off.

But my hands-down favourite so far is The Oscillation. I'd never heard of these guys before, but man, is it ever up my alley. Some kind of space-rock/electronic hybrid that sounds like Vangelis one minute, German psychedelic rock the next, and some forgotten, dancy postpunk band the next. Wow. So good. Here's a sample.



Postscript to Monday's post: Lest The Lodge ever be accused of selling out on the grounds that writing commercial music for the sole purpose of acquiring product from the advertising client is antiartistic, gauche, and totally uncool, here are (one? two?) three(!) jingles for an insanely strong beer called Steel Reserve High Gravity Lager, penned and recorded by none other than The Ramones. They're pretty good, too. Of course, The Ramones broke up and started dying right after recording these, so maybe they're not the best pieces of evidence for my case...

Voting Day!

This is very important. I hope everyone will take the time to voice her opinion. How often do you get to be part of such a crucial decision? It only takes a few seconds, and every single vote is counted, so please do your duty as a Canadian radio listener and music lover by checking out The Lodge's entry in Long & McQuade's nationwide jingle contest.

I'm not saying you have to give it five stars or anything. Just rate it however you deem appropriate. I happen to think it's wildly catchy, myself, and wouldn't at all mind hearing it numerous times a day, even with obnoxious echoing voiceover, say over the tinny speakers embedded in the ceiling of a really soul-sucking office environment full of dirty beige cubicle dividers and fluorescent lighting, where having a coffee mug with your favourite sports team's logo on it counts as an act of self-expression and the only thing preventing you from stabbing your ballpoint pen with the name and address of one of the suppliers you sometimes have to talk to on the phone — either to order some mind-numbingly dull item like paperclips or toner or something more specialized that anyone outside of your industry wouldn't know or even have any reason to want to know what the heck it is, and if you're really honest with yourself those phone conversations are usually the high point in your day, because at least something happened, never mind how mundane, that you didn't already know was going to happen when you woke up that morning — printed on it into the neck of the coworker beside you who has been making a sniffling sound every 10 to 15 seconds for eight minutes now but who refuses to blow his nose even though he keeps a box of tissues within arm's reach on his desk and has immediately and without exception offered one to anyone who has ever sneezed in the office, ever (no matter how imperceptibly or how many cubicles away, so how could his sudden apparent ignorance of their existence be taken as anything but a cunning bit of passive aggression designed to make your day just a little bit more miserable than usual?) is one of the aforementioned beige dividers.

But maybe you feel otherwise. That's OK. There are different categories in the contest for different genres of music. Ours is in the "Modern Rock / Alternative" category, but maybe that's not exactly your cup of tea. If you're interested in hearing other entries, do yourself a favour and check out this sure winner from the "Classic Rock" section.

Upcoming Shows

I've got a bunch of shows to play this month. Had a practice for this one yesterday — playing bass in Gillian Austin's backup band, The Brambles. Then, the following Saturday is a Lodge show at the same venue. I'll have to whip together a poster for that one soon. And closer to the end of the month I'm going to do another short solo set, this time at the coffee shop around the corner from our house, Local Jo. That one will be a double bill of me and Matt Reid. Haven't decided what instrument to play yet. I was thinking electric piano, but then when I started trying to practise the sustain pedal broke, so maybe I should take that as a sign. Electric guitar? We'll see...