Couldn't really afford the trip, but I'm glad we went. It was really nice to see a lot of old friends I hadn't seen in years, and Chicago is a VERY cool city. Incredible architecture and public art everywhere, including this piece of genius.
Our first full day there, we spent eight hours at the Art Institute, and could easily have spent twice that much time if our eyes hadn't started crossing by the end of it. Also, they kicked us out. But in that time we got to see many, many super-contemporary pieces of weirdness and ancient artifacts from around the world. Plus scads of pieces from periods in between that we'd only ever seen in books and on posters. This giant Georgia O'Keefe was above the landing on one of the museum's numerous grand staircases.
That one struck me particularly, because I'd just written a haiku that morning about the exact scene it seemed to be depicting:
Flying over Lake
Michigan — what's clouds and what's
Reflection of clouds?
After allowing myself to be hypnotized by the painting for awhile, I started thinking maybe all that enjambment is not strictly kosher in haiku. Seems a little too tricky, maybe, and prevents the second line from having its own distinct contribution to the overall feeling. So I rewrote it:
Early evening flight
Over Great Lakes — what is cloud?
What is reflection?
That way I also get a sense of time in, which is technically important. I still really like the disorientation and repetition in the first version, though. Plus, counting "evening" as only two syllables is probably a bit of a cheat. I dunno... What do you think?
3 comments:
I think most people pronounce evening in two syllables. Glad you enjoyed the trip and got to do some interesting stuff. How was the wedding?
When I read your first Haiku, I thought it was a bit cheating...each line is supposed to be independent I think, not carry over from the last line. And the last line wasn't really true to Haiku...I was happy to see you rewrote it & like it better the second time (if you're going to pass it off as Haiku)!
I love that you write poetry on the plane...I think most people just watch a movie...myself included.
Dana
Right, that's what I meant about the enjambment. Definitely makes it a modern take on the haiku, but in a way I kind of like it, because it causes a temporary feeling of confusion similar to what I felt when the situation in question was actually occurring, i.e. am I upside down or right side up? The second one's more traditional, but the scenario being depicted is not traditional and causes a feeling that's not as calm as standard haiku, so maybe a non-traditional approach is more appropriate. I find myself going back and forth on the question.
There was no movie. We were on Porter.
Thanks so much, Dane!
The wedding was nice, BTW.
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