Been awhile. Sorry. I suddenly have nothing to say. Here's a diversion while I try to come up with something meatier. It's a fun little weird grammar-quiz/word-game/puzzle-thingy I wrote for a website my friend in Toronto edits. Keep it to yourself, though, because it hasn't actually been published yet.
The Edge of Nonsense
Ever start reading a straightforward-seeming sentence and suddenly find yourself scratching your head in confusion? You're not alone. The following "garden path" sentences will have you second- and third-guessing how you thought English worked. They're all punctuated properly and make grammatical sense, but it might take you a few passes to figure out how. Hit the Huh? button [it'll be a button on the actual website —ed.] when you think a) you've understood, or b) you're so lost you can't remember words how go.
1. The dog walked by the mailman barked.
Huh?
No barking civil servants are needed to make sense of this weird sentence. The trick is that everything but the final word is the subject. So, the thing that barked is the dog that was walked by the mailman. Implausible, you say? I figure there's gotta be at least one mailman out there who owns a dog. Right?
2. The club admitted a new member was bribed.
Huh?
I'm glad that club confessed to bribing a new member. It doesn't legitimate their recruiting methods, but their acknowledgment of wrongdoing will be taken into account by the court.
3. Many fish the river.
Huh?
Many fish live in rivers. Probably even more do not. But this sentence is not about any of those fish. It's about a popular waterway and the many anglers who try their luck in it.
4. Fall in love with a friend is vibrant.
Huh?
By now, I'm assuming either you're loving these or you've moved on to something more immediately gratifying elsewhere on the internet. Probably involving cats. If you're still with us, here's a nice poetic image for you: fall is vibrant when you're in love with a friend.
5. When army camps are civilians ever jealous.
Huh?
And why shouldn't those civilians be jealous? Maybe they'd like to camp too. Why should army have all the fun?
6. If bananas don't advertise it.
Huh?
This is just a bit of advice you can take or leave as you see fit. Keep your craziness to yourself. It only makes others uncomfortable. If you're perfectly sane, go ahead, act however you want. I'm sure you'll be accepted and probably make lots of friends. But if less than 100% there, you might want to watch that you're not broadcasting your mental state too loudly. In other words, if bananas… Am I over-explaining this?
7. Sparrows called from the treetops seldom reply.
Huh?
Sparrows THAT ARE called… Those sparrows can see that you're not one of them. They're not dumb, you know. Now get out of that tree and stop advertising how bananas you are.
8. Fruit flies like nesting chickens dance.
Huh?
From sparrows to dancing chickens! OK, this is probably the trickiest one here. Are you ready? Fruit is to flying as nesting chickens are to dancing. I.e., it doesn't do it. My profoundest apologies.
9. Bosses can corrupt or lazy employees.
Huh?
I guess this one's pretty hard too. Replace the word “can” with “fire” and it will all be clear. You really are a good pal to have stuck around this long. And have I told you how great you look in that sweater?
10. Drowning swimmers can be helped and is wrong.
Huh?
This sentence is much easier to understand if you reverse the terms on either side of the “and”: Drowning swimmers is wrong and can be helped. Tempting, sure, but there's really no defense for it.
Assuming you got this far without causing yourself or anyone else bodily harm, congratulations on being a bona fide linguistics nerd. And if you understood all the sentences without any help, congratulations on being Noam Chomsky!
Ever start reading a straightforward-seeming sentence and suddenly find yourself scratching your head in confusion? You're not alone. The following "garden path" sentences will have you second- and third-guessing how you thought English worked. They're all punctuated properly and make grammatical sense, but it might take you a few passes to figure out how. Hit the Huh? button [it'll be a button on the actual website —ed.] when you think a) you've understood, or b) you're so lost you can't remember words how go.
1. The dog walked by the mailman barked.
Huh?
No barking civil servants are needed to make sense of this weird sentence. The trick is that everything but the final word is the subject. So, the thing that barked is the dog that was walked by the mailman. Implausible, you say? I figure there's gotta be at least one mailman out there who owns a dog. Right?
2. The club admitted a new member was bribed.
Huh?
I'm glad that club confessed to bribing a new member. It doesn't legitimate their recruiting methods, but their acknowledgment of wrongdoing will be taken into account by the court.
3. Many fish the river.
Huh?
Many fish live in rivers. Probably even more do not. But this sentence is not about any of those fish. It's about a popular waterway and the many anglers who try their luck in it.
4. Fall in love with a friend is vibrant.
Huh?
By now, I'm assuming either you're loving these or you've moved on to something more immediately gratifying elsewhere on the internet. Probably involving cats. If you're still with us, here's a nice poetic image for you: fall is vibrant when you're in love with a friend.
5. When army camps are civilians ever jealous.
Huh?
And why shouldn't those civilians be jealous? Maybe they'd like to camp too. Why should army have all the fun?
6. If bananas don't advertise it.
Huh?
This is just a bit of advice you can take or leave as you see fit. Keep your craziness to yourself. It only makes others uncomfortable. If you're perfectly sane, go ahead, act however you want. I'm sure you'll be accepted and probably make lots of friends. But if less than 100% there, you might want to watch that you're not broadcasting your mental state too loudly. In other words, if bananas… Am I over-explaining this?
7. Sparrows called from the treetops seldom reply.
Huh?
Sparrows THAT ARE called… Those sparrows can see that you're not one of them. They're not dumb, you know. Now get out of that tree and stop advertising how bananas you are.
8. Fruit flies like nesting chickens dance.
Huh?
From sparrows to dancing chickens! OK, this is probably the trickiest one here. Are you ready? Fruit is to flying as nesting chickens are to dancing. I.e., it doesn't do it. My profoundest apologies.
9. Bosses can corrupt or lazy employees.
Huh?
I guess this one's pretty hard too. Replace the word “can” with “fire” and it will all be clear. You really are a good pal to have stuck around this long. And have I told you how great you look in that sweater?
10. Drowning swimmers can be helped and is wrong.
Huh?
This sentence is much easier to understand if you reverse the terms on either side of the “and”: Drowning swimmers is wrong and can be helped. Tempting, sure, but there's really no defense for it.
Assuming you got this far without causing yourself or anyone else bodily harm, congratulations on being a bona fide linguistics nerd. And if you understood all the sentences without any help, congratulations on being Noam Chomsky!
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