The Boring and the Weird

Andrew: I haven't posted on the old blog for some time now, and I feel like I need to update folks about what we've been up to lately, but I can't really think of anything interesting. Seems like we haven't been doing much of ANYTHING.

Alison: You could tell them we've been watching the entire series of Twin Peaks.

Andrew: Yeah, that's true. It was pretty exciting to find all thirty hour-long episodes on DVD, and then find out you get it for a whole month when you rent it...

Alison: Would you tell them how we felt compelled to go out and buy a dozen doughnuts after watching Agent Cooper scarf them down for a few episodes, and then spent all of Good Friday in front of the TV, eating doughnuts and drinking coffee?

Andrew: Hmm. I don't think I'd want to admit to that.

Alison: Yeah, I guess it's not really a good example of something interesting you could write about.

Andrew: Plus the episodes are getting so boring now! I can't believe they reveal who Laura's killer is only halfway through the series. The remaining subplots are pretty lame, although David Duchovny as a transvestite is quite funny. Still, I don't know if I can make it through another ten hours.

Ali: Yeah... I know! You could talk about your upcoming show.

And: That is kind of exciting, but there's not much to say about it. "The band finally has a name. The Lodge. Our first show's April 10th."

Ali: True. And it's not exactly happening now, either.

And: What about the Garageband experiments I've been doing?

Ali: What about them?

And: Well, I never bothered checking out that piece of recording software before, because I always considered it kind of a toy, but then I finally thought, "What's wrong with checking out a toy? I like having fun with music," and now I'm putting together some things I might not have come up with otherwise.

Ali: Yeah that's pretty good, I guess...

And: It'd be better, though, if I actually had a finished recording I could post as evidence.

Ali: Yeah.

And: Yeah.

Ali: Maybe it's not so exciting hearing how someone else is excited about a creative endeavour. What if you talked about all the changes that are going on at your job?

And: Now even I'm getting bored!

Ali: Come on! It's pretty interesting that the whole workplace was renovated, and now you have five people and a puppy in your office, which is twice the size it used to be. Plus there's a new creative director and they're supposed to be hiring another graphic designer.

And: Yeah, I hope it ends up being our friend Chris.

Ali: Me too. That would be so great.

And: But I think I might have already talked about some of that stuff. And I can't go into too much detail about work 'cause it's the internet and you never know who's going to be reading it.

Ali: Oh what, you think one of your millions of fans might get some confidential dirt on the fascinating goings-on at your workplace?

And: Ouch!

Ali: I'm just kidding.

And: I know.

Ali: Ummm... the radio shows we've been listening to?

And: Jonathan Goldstein's Wiretap?

Ali: Right. You could talk about how funny they are and how you keep laughing uncontrollably while walking to work, listening to them on your iPod.

And: Ha ha. I sure am glad Stu told me about that show and gave me all those downloaded episodes. It's really great. But again, that's not really a very interesting story.

Ali: Yeah. Maybe if you had video footage of yourself cracking up in public and getting embarassed.

And: Yeah.

Ali: Oh! I've got it!

And: What?

Ali: I read this story in the news today, did you see it? About a guy who uses his hahahahaaaaa!

And: Ha ha. Uses his what?

Ali: He uses his penis as a paintbrush!

And: What?

Ali: [nods silently while trying to stifle hysterical laughter]

And: Wasn't that the exact name of a feminist school of art criticism that you read about in your Women's Studies class?

Ali: I know! Penis-as-paintbrush!

And: And we wanted to start a band with that name!

Ali: I forgot about that part.

And: So why does this guy paint with his penis? Does he not have any arms? Or legs?

Ali: He does. Both. But he's a performance artist.

And: Oh, well that explains it.

Ali: Yeah.

And: In that case, isn't that kind of a non-newsworthy story? Isn't that just exactly the kind of thing performance artists are always doing? I bet there's a lot more than one guy who does that.

Ali: Wait, I'm reading it here now... Oh!

And: What?

Ali: I guess he paints portraits!

And: Portraits!

Ali: Yeah.

And: Like of people in the audience?

Ali: Yeah, or you can send him your photo and for a fee he'll mail you a portrait and a video of himself painting it.

And: OK, I guess I have to admit that IS kind of interesting.

Ali: He wears a blonde wig, a silver tophat, and boots, and nothing else.

And: Huh.

Ali: And a bowtie!

And: Well, all right so that is pretty fascinating. But you think I should talk about that on the blog?

Ali: Well... I don't know...

And: Let's just see whether Deputy Andy finds out who's the father of Lucy's unborn child.

Ali: OK. Popcorn?

- Andrew