The Boring and the Weird

Andrew: I haven't posted on the old blog for some time now, and I feel like I need to update folks about what we've been up to lately, but I can't really think of anything interesting. Seems like we haven't been doing much of ANYTHING.

Alison: You could tell them we've been watching the entire series of Twin Peaks.

Andrew: Yeah, that's true. It was pretty exciting to find all thirty hour-long episodes on DVD, and then find out you get it for a whole month when you rent it...

Alison: Would you tell them how we felt compelled to go out and buy a dozen doughnuts after watching Agent Cooper scarf them down for a few episodes, and then spent all of Good Friday in front of the TV, eating doughnuts and drinking coffee?

Andrew: Hmm. I don't think I'd want to admit to that.

Alison: Yeah, I guess it's not really a good example of something interesting you could write about.

Andrew: Plus the episodes are getting so boring now! I can't believe they reveal who Laura's killer is only halfway through the series. The remaining subplots are pretty lame, although David Duchovny as a transvestite is quite funny. Still, I don't know if I can make it through another ten hours.

Ali: Yeah... I know! You could talk about your upcoming show.

And: That is kind of exciting, but there's not much to say about it. "The band finally has a name. The Lodge. Our first show's April 10th."

Ali: True. And it's not exactly happening now, either.

And: What about the Garageband experiments I've been doing?

Ali: What about them?

And: Well, I never bothered checking out that piece of recording software before, because I always considered it kind of a toy, but then I finally thought, "What's wrong with checking out a toy? I like having fun with music," and now I'm putting together some things I might not have come up with otherwise.

Ali: Yeah that's pretty good, I guess...

And: It'd be better, though, if I actually had a finished recording I could post as evidence.

Ali: Yeah.

And: Yeah.

Ali: Maybe it's not so exciting hearing how someone else is excited about a creative endeavour. What if you talked about all the changes that are going on at your job?

And: Now even I'm getting bored!

Ali: Come on! It's pretty interesting that the whole workplace was renovated, and now you have five people and a puppy in your office, which is twice the size it used to be. Plus there's a new creative director and they're supposed to be hiring another graphic designer.

And: Yeah, I hope it ends up being our friend Chris.

Ali: Me too. That would be so great.

And: But I think I might have already talked about some of that stuff. And I can't go into too much detail about work 'cause it's the internet and you never know who's going to be reading it.

Ali: Oh what, you think one of your millions of fans might get some confidential dirt on the fascinating goings-on at your workplace?

And: Ouch!

Ali: I'm just kidding.

And: I know.

Ali: Ummm... the radio shows we've been listening to?

And: Jonathan Goldstein's Wiretap?

Ali: Right. You could talk about how funny they are and how you keep laughing uncontrollably while walking to work, listening to them on your iPod.

And: Ha ha. I sure am glad Stu told me about that show and gave me all those downloaded episodes. It's really great. But again, that's not really a very interesting story.

Ali: Yeah. Maybe if you had video footage of yourself cracking up in public and getting embarassed.

And: Yeah.

Ali: Oh! I've got it!

And: What?

Ali: I read this story in the news today, did you see it? About a guy who uses his hahahahaaaaa!

And: Ha ha. Uses his what?

Ali: He uses his penis as a paintbrush!

And: What?

Ali: [nods silently while trying to stifle hysterical laughter]

And: Wasn't that the exact name of a feminist school of art criticism that you read about in your Women's Studies class?

Ali: I know! Penis-as-paintbrush!

And: And we wanted to start a band with that name!

Ali: I forgot about that part.

And: So why does this guy paint with his penis? Does he not have any arms? Or legs?

Ali: He does. Both. But he's a performance artist.

And: Oh, well that explains it.

Ali: Yeah.

And: In that case, isn't that kind of a non-newsworthy story? Isn't that just exactly the kind of thing performance artists are always doing? I bet there's a lot more than one guy who does that.

Ali: Wait, I'm reading it here now... Oh!

And: What?

Ali: I guess he paints portraits!

And: Portraits!

Ali: Yeah.

And: Like of people in the audience?

Ali: Yeah, or you can send him your photo and for a fee he'll mail you a portrait and a video of himself painting it.

And: OK, I guess I have to admit that IS kind of interesting.

Ali: He wears a blonde wig, a silver tophat, and boots, and nothing else.

And: Huh.

Ali: And a bowtie!

And: Well, all right so that is pretty fascinating. But you think I should talk about that on the blog?

Ali: Well... I don't know...

And: Let's just see whether Deputy Andy finds out who's the father of Lucy's unborn child.

Ali: OK. Popcorn?

- Andrew

Proof

I did it! It was really fun and also really terrifying. The day was perfect for it and the slopes were not too crowded. And today I can barely walk and I have a ridiculous sunburn on my face with a toque line, but it was worth it.

Here's what it looked like:

Am I a Yuppie Yet?

I guess it's been a couple of weeks, hasn't it? Let's see... there must be SOMETHING of interest going on around here.

Well, one major theme is that Ali and I have been watching these "webinars" (yuck) on the Oprah Winfrey (!?!) website every Monday night where she has our favourite spiritual self-help non-denominational enlightened dude, Eckhart Tolle, talking about his most recent book, A New Earth — Awakening to Your Life's Purpose chapter by chapter. I know, I know, it's Oprah. Yes, she is way too powerful. Yes, she does interrupt him a lot. And, yes, she does take almost every opportunity to talk about herself. However, it's pretty cool that such an insightful and potentially very helpful guy is being given a platform to reach so many people. One of the main theses of his book is that no one's going to change the world in any meaningful way unless he radically changes his attitudes toward life and himself first, and this is a way that such a change could actually happen on a large scale. The first chapter's broadcast had technical problems and crapped out on almost everyone, it seems. But it was viewable later, and the second one went off last week without a hitch. It makes a big difference seeing and hearing him talk about his ideas instead of just reading them. Highly recommended.

We're in the middle of a big snowstorm here. That's fine with me, because a) it looks really nice in a peaceful but mysterious way, and b) I'm going skiing tomorrow! Downhill skiing! I'll be picked up at 8:30 in the morning and taken to Martock with a couple of my coworkers. It's not a big hill or anything, but I'm still a little anxious about it. I've only skied probably three times in my life, the last time being over twenty years ago. When I first mentioned the idea to Alison, I was surprised at her concern about it. "You're not a young man anymore, you know," she said. "Your bones are more brittle and would take longer to heal than they used to." I got somewhat indignant, accusing her of being both a baby and a mother hen. (That's a mixed metaphor I hope never to see in a petting zoo.) Then the next day we ran into a woman I know who's maybe ten years older than me, and she was on crutches with a giant cast on her leg. "Skiing," was the one-word cause given. Then she said, "It's taking a lot longer than I would have thought to heal. I guess that's what happens when we get older." So now I'm biting my nails as I watch the snowflakes out the window. But I'm excited too.

I promised to keep this short so I'd have time to hammer together a couple of disassembled tables before getting a haircut and watching a movie, and it's already getting out of hand. So, in brief:

Johanna taught us a version of Scrabble called "Speed Scrabble," where you don't use a board and just work on your own crossword with your own letters, trying to get as many of them in both an across and a down word as possible. It's quite addictive.

Lowlands has its first two shows coming up in April. So far no other name has achieved a better consensus.

We lost two designers at work recently and are hiring two more to replace them. Plus, we're taking over another suite on our floor and doing major renovations, so things are in an interesting state of flux.

The Whales of August, even though it stars Bette Davis and Lillian Gish as a pair of ideologically opposed sisters, was directed by the formidable Lindsay Anderson, and is set on the spectacular coast of Maine at the end of summer, is one of the most boring movies you can possibly rent. You're better off with What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?.

I have a very good idea for the content of a comic. I just have to figure out how to draw the characters. That, and how to draw in general. And then draw it.

Bowling on a Sunday afternoon with four friends is a lot of fun and not nearly as depressing as you might imagine.

This morning while listening to Joy Division, I figured out the long-sought-after secret of their incredible songwriting: have the guitarist and bassist each write a section to a song, and then have them play their compositions simultaneously, even if they are not in the same key. Add some atonal singing that refuses to validate either part, and you've got an instant classic.

Stop. Hammer time.

- Andrew